The Note I left Myself
That Note I Left Myself
It is funny. Earlier today I left a note for myself in lieu of trying to get myself to not bail out on sitting down and writing.
The note is this:
"Just write about today. Don’t be a bitch and think it needs to be anything crazy!!!"
Well here I am writing.
Two Projects, One Writer
Obviously I have been thinking a lot about what I want to be writing about. When I say this, I mean two different projects. One project being my blogs — more of a frequent writing and maybe less structured. Then I want to write a book.
A book about what exactly? Well, I have heard that writing a memoir is a great place to start. I do not necessarily get a kick out of the idea of writing my life’s story. I think it is a reverse ego type of thing.
What I mean by that is this: you don't know who I am, so why would you care about what I have to say?
Two Answers to One Doubt
There are two answers to this question.
A part of me believes no one wants to hear what I have to say — like my story doesn’t matter.
Nobody wants to hear what I have to say about the world unless they know who I am as a person.
A memoir is a perfect opportunity to let people know who I am — my background, how I grew up, how my beliefs and theories about the world changed over my life on this planet.
So if I write a memoir, it's so I can get people to know me, and maybe then they will want to engage in my thoughts. And maybe I will make people think one day.
But I have to start somewhere.
No Expectations, Just Expression
I do not expect anything from this whole thing other than getting my thoughts out there and doing what I feel like I am supposed to be doing at this point in my life.
There is another benefit to writing a book about my life: people enjoy stories. They love to imagine themselves in your place and wonder how you got through what you did. And when I think about it from an outside perspective, that makes sense.
When I read a book, I love hearing what the author has to say about what they are passionate about. What makes them any different? What is stopping me from sharing my passions the same way?
The Question That Always Comes Back
Another question always surfaces — and is surfacing now as I am typing this:
Is my story worth telling, and is my story good enough to make a difference in someone else's life?
A huge part of why I want to write is to help others.
I was never a writer and never thought of myself as a writer. Our society has completely shit all over a few generations — leaving them to think that anything but an hourly job at a facility owned by some rich asshole is completely crazy and stupid for even thinking you can do such things.
The Big Lie
They weren’t wrong. There has always been this consensus of the American Dream being some 9–5 job, a nice house, and family to boot. All you had to do was go to work and be good. That perpetuated the lie and nobody really knew any better.
Now we all know that was a fucking lie.
It comes back
So now I ask the question again:
What makes an established author different from me?
I can now answer with this — nothing.
There is nothing different.
The only difference is deciding.
Deciding to do something or deciding not to do something.
Not deciding has left me in a cycle of jobs, relationships, and self-loathing that never went away.
I was waiting for someone to tell me I was good enough.
I was waiting for something. I was waiting for something I could not see, feel, hear, or touch.
I was waiting for myself to stop lying about who I was and acknowledge I can step up to the plate. I can do things and live life by my own decisions and not feel as if I am constantly waiting for permission or some miraculous event to take place and change my outlook on life.
The Power of Small Decisions
The craziest part about this? Deciding is something you do every day. It is as small as brushing your teeth.
It doesn't matter what decisions you are making — the goal should always be this:
Does the decision you are making right now push you a step further in a positive direction?
Yes, brushing your teeth is that.
Why? Because if you don’t brush your fucking teeth, they will probably rot out of your skull.
It’s easy to make small decisions that have benefits. If you keep thinking in this fashion, every thought will turn toward answering the ultimate question:
Does this decision affect me in a positive way?
This Blog Is That Decision
So me writing this — an actually lengthier blog — is me making that decision.
Because every day you have to choose. It never goes away.
Choose like your life depends on it — because it truly does.