Who am I?

Giving My Words Some Attention 

Time to sit and give my words some attention. I am making a focus on working on the ability to keep this going. I love writing. I love the idea of writing. I hate the resistance I feel. So what will it be today? 

An Introduction That Was Long Overdue 

I think maybe I should introduce myself. Even with my artwork series for my blogs, I am not really sure I ever properly introduced myself. 
My name is Chad Becker and I am the owner of CB Creative Digital. 

What is CB Creative Digital? 

It is a photography (as you can probably tell by now from this website) and video company. My niche as of right now is geared toward the performing arts. 
It only seems fitting considering I have a heavy background in music and have had many music projects myself. 

A Life Rooted in Art 

From my other website, an area of high interest is my artwork. This is my hand-drawn art. This can range from watercolor paintings to drawings and marker illustrations. 
My journey to live my true life actually started there, and it is still the heart that is beating in this walking meat suit known as Chad. 

I also have plenty of experience with graphic design work as well, which was another entirely different project in the past. 
One of those failed attempts at running my own business. We can get into the details in another blog as to why I failed at that. 

All these passions come from a genuine place—they weren’t forced on me. I am drawn to creating. It is like a magnet I cannot and would not escape from if I had a choice. 

The Chaos That Came Before 

This is all projecting me into the next phase in my life. 
The last phase of my life was, well… a fucking disaster. I think I can take it all back to the age of 14 when I decided to drink a bottle of Ice 101 liquor to myself. 
If anyone doesn't know what that poison is, imagine brushing your teeth and drinking vodka at the same time. 

For whatever reason I liked that drink and even mixed it with chocolate milk as a play on Thin Mint cookies. 
I know, absolutely disgusting. 
It may just be one incident, but that incident started 25 years of alcohol, drugs, and self-denial. 
Add that to no direction in life, a 4-year degree worth less than the shit I flushed down the toilet this morning, a 10-year relationship/marriage down the drain, a tragic 4-year relationship with my son’s mother, and countless jobs. 

“Work Hard”: The Advice Without a Map 

I emphasize “COUNTLESS JOBS.” I was lost. I was good at stuff. I picked up on things quickly. 
No matter where I worked, I could kill it. I landed a few “Employee of the Month” awards—and one for the quarter, too. 
I even did management advancement programs which got me nowhere. 

The only thing I was taught—or at least I remember—from my dad was, “Work hard.” Always work hard. 

Okay. Sounds great. Where is the fucking context? 

There was none. 

I was left with “work hard.” How do I work hard? What does that actually mean? Who am I working hard for and why? 

“Why do I work hard, and what do I get out of it?” 

None of those questions got answered. So, I just blindly worked hard. 

Living Someone Else’s Script 

I was led down many weird avenues of other people’s ideas as to what I would do in life. 
My entire life up until this point has been me lying about who I really am. Lying about what I should do with the time I have on this planet. 

In the beginning, I was just chasing money to survive—to make a living and find some sense of stability. 

Why I Couldn’t Fake It Anymore 

I figured out just about every 2–3 years (MAX) I could hold a job and at that point something would happen. It could be a blow out or just quitting because I hated it. 
I never understood why everyone else could just deal with it. 
How does everyone else stay at such a shit job for so long and how did they move up to make more money? 

It was all taboo to me and still is—because I am not meant to work for other people. 

Meaning... 

I cannot work in a factory, grocery store, distribution center, the county road crew, a kitchen, or a department store. (Trust me if I sat down the list would be much longer) 
There is no motive for me to do good other than someone else benefiting carelessly from my hard work.  

Fuck that. 

Years of that ruined my outlook on life, along with the fucking bottle and any drug I could get my hands on. 

I always said drugs and alcohol were not an escape. I was lying to myself to try and rise above who I really was in real life. 
A dumb, washed-up kid who thought he was going to be a famous musician and now has substance problems and a warped sense of reality. 

The only way to justify that reality was to hate it and everything about it. 
You could have easily put me in the Scrooge or Oscar the Grouch category. 
I hated my life and I hated everyone else’s life because of it. 

Finding the Forgotten Passion 

Then I found art.  

Art was always with me as a kid. I held on to that motherfucker until I was about 12 years old.

But there was a catch. 
Nobody really pushed me to be what I was good at and wanted to be good at. 
Most of my talents I felt went unheard so eventually I quit. 

I thought I sucked anyway, so I threw in the towel before I was a teenager. 

Flash forward about 38 years and I found myself drawing sunflowers. Of all things, sunflowers. But something happened. That’s when it hit me—there had been something missing, and I had no idea how much I needed it. 
I had it, and I let it go. I had let go of a part of my soul. Art. 

Music Was a Fight, Art Was a Flow 

Don't get me wrong. I loved playing music. I loved creating music but it was a long uphill battle of bad habits and no guidance. Creating music was torture for me. I would attempt to write for months and not come up with ANYTHING. 

But not with art. It just comes and I let it. 
Hours go by and then I am looking at a finished piece. 
When other people see my art, I can tell it has impact and they get something from it.  

Holy fucking shit I still have it—and I am not letting this go!! 

The Stream of Creativity 

So where does CB Creative video and photography come into play? 

It gives me that same satisfaction and love. 
I have a tap to this stream, and it is the same as my drawn art stream. 
It is a flow of energy, wisdom, ideas, and creativity. 

I feel it with my art and I feel it with photography and video. 
This is my home.      

I fucking love it here—and now I know where my place in the universe is. 

My Purpose 

To create. 
To create with love. 
And to help others with this ability. 

Drugs and alcohol do not belong in my reality anymore. No more distractions. There is nothing more to run from. I am done running. It is now time to knuckle down and do the work.  

Yes, work for profit—I need to make a living—but I will make sure everyone gets the royal treatment, and their minds will be blown away. 

This Is Who I Am 

My name is Chad Becker. 
I am an artist. 
I am a photographer. 
I am a videographer. 
Thank you for listening to my story.